Do not use words or expressions which would make a five-year-old feel uncomfortable in our store, or make a five-year-old's mother uncomfortable bringing their child shopping.

Do not use words or expressions that disparage or defame any group of people.

Avoid the use of the so-called 'Biblical swears' as well. We are aware that their use is increasingly casual, but we asked you to refrain while in our store.

Any words explicitly referenced in comedy routines by George Carlin or Lenny Bruce are right out.

Staff of The Whiz Store are instructed to remind patrons of this policy as needed. Typically, when we hear words or expressions that we do not wish to hear again, we call out "Language!" as a friendly reminder. This one-word reminder is usually sufficient, and we rarely have to repeat ourselves. We reserve the right to make firmer and more explicit language recommendations, and repeat offenders may be asked to swear elsewhere.

We are aware that in the heat of the moment in a tense game, players may temporarily lose control of their language. If you hear us call "Language!", and you didn't hear anyone else say anything objectionable, it was probably YOU. Please replay the tape of your last few comments, and if it WAS you, please refrain from further offenses.

From time to time, new patrons will object to our language policy. We are particularly un-amused by references to the "bill of rights" and to "free speech". First, we are not attempting to censor your political views, we are merely asking you to abide by rules of simple courtesy. Second, The Whiz Store is not a part of any governmental entity. Third, and most important, swearing in front of five-year-olds is not protected speech in any manner, shape or form.